


An Eternal Eclipse

by CrucioAndCoffee



Series: The Sun In Her Smile, If She Ever Smiled [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Death Eaters, Depression, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 05:00:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20129743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrucioAndCoffee/pseuds/CrucioAndCoffee
Summary: Gone is the bubbly Hufflepuff with an snarky attitude, replaced with a cool voice that can spit fire if it meant avoiding a memory. Someone who forgot the meaning of life. Bellatrix would hate this person... But Bellatrix isn’t coming back. So Alecto stops caring.





	An Eternal Eclipse

Alecto is no stranger to the nameless feelings from the dark or the void they carve in someone’s chest. They keep themselves nestled close in a claustrophobic hug around the heart.   
  
“Forever,” they murmur, like it’s supposed to be calming, and not a source of anxious dread. They’ll always be there—have always been there—never more than a breath away.   
  
But Alecto knows this is a lie, easily consumed, like the sweet venom rolled from the Dark Lord’s lips. Too easy to latch onto and let the temptation chain itself to her. Too easy to give in to.   
  
There was a time where the dark clouds would part. Small rays of silver light could reach Alecto and warm her, despite the bitter rains. A grey sun rose in the sky to watch her. Even if tucked away behind blankets of clouds, it’s warmth never wavered.   
  
It was a sun Alecto could stare into without pain, but still blinded by beauty.   
  
The warmth of Bellatrix’s gaze reserved for her, and only her, sharing in throwing the world a cold sneer. Alecto misses her grey sun—Bellatrix. Everything is frozen, numb, with any touch prickling the skin like falling snow. Even her dreams have gone cold. In the passing years, the void swallows everything. Her dreams, her hopes, ambitions. It all vanishes with a sunset the night Bellatrix is sentenced to Azkaban. The realization set in with the darkening sky—Bellatrix is gone.   
  
All that remains are whispers of a war long lost, and an empty side of the bed. Alecto isn’t tried and imprisoned. Not officially, but the only difference from Azkaban she imagines is her cell is more open and free. Everyone knows what she is, but they can’t prove it. No one speaks of it, but anger bubbles under her skin in the auror office from the stares.   
  
Jaw clenched shut and muscles aching from the tenseness, waiting for… something. Alecto is always angry. Is this how Bellatrix felt?   
  
She can’t think. She can’t sleep. If she’s eaten, she doesn’t know. Food lost its appeal, and Alecto gave up cooking years ago. The war taunts her every day, be it her crimes, Bellatrix’s, or the torture she endured for not being good enough. When she closes her eyes, she’s there again, somewhere, anywhere, in a battlefield, the dark wooden floor of Riddle Manor. Pain lingers in her bones, and every blink shocks it through her. Her eyes close again, and her breath leaves her as a faceless shadow looms behind her. It doesn’t matter who it is.   
  
There is no one for her. No one can stand the sting of her angry lashes. Gone is the bubbly Hufflepuff with a snarky attitude, replaced with a cold voice that can spit fire if it meant avoiding a memory. Someone who forgot the meaning of life. Bellatrix would hate this person... But Bellatrix isn’t coming back. So Alecto stops caring.  
  
It crosses her mind; she has a knife collection, but she resists out of stubbornness. Bellatrix is gone but would be hurt if Alecto went down that path. Both know you can’t turn back.  
  
Even when the Dark Lord returns, she doesn’t care. But she fights for him. What else is there? Alecto knows she’s stupid and useless unless sneering the incantation ‘crucio’. She does what she does best, hurt people. There is no care, no mercy, because nothing matters anymore. It hadn’t for years.   
  
Alecto doesn’t care, nor does she want to.   
  
Until she storms Malfoy Manor with a copy of the Daily Prophet crumpled in her fingers. The photo of Bellatrix writhing against her chains burning her fingertips. Bellatrix is free. Bellatrix is here. Life shocks through Alecto’s heart, unable to handle emotions after being frozen for so long.   
  
But it drains from her, much like the color from her cheeks. She traces her eyes over the wight before her sitting in Narcissa’s parlor. Still and quiet. Bellatrix could pass for a corpse the way her skin clings so tightly to her muscles and her features sunken.   
  
A painful shock strikes through Alecto as Bellatrix shifts to gaze at her. She holds back tears and bites the inside of her lip. There is no warmth—no life in those grey eyes. Bellatrix stares at Alecto, unfocused, intimidating, and blank. If she didn’t blink, Alecto would think she is dead.  
  
Voldemort is all Bellatrix cares about now. That’s all that drives her. She won’t talk about anything else or give Alecto the time of day unless it is to the benefit of the Dark Lord. Much like the undead, only a single purpose fuels her and gives her life. It isn’t how it used to be when Alecto shared Bella with him. Alecto doesn’t exist. Maybe she never did.  
  
She trashes her flat looking for her knives. “They’ll be useful in my work,” is the excuse she uses.   
  
She lost the sun to an eclipse. His name taboo to His opposers, and His will a poison Alecto accepts. Like Bellatrix, she’ll be His instrument. Another blade to cut skin and another wand to torture.   
  
Alecto doesn’t care anymore. She merely follows the dark path cast by the eclipse. Alone, and missing the warmth of the sun.   
  
“I don’t care,” she keeps lying to herself until it is too late. 

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t use social media anymore for mental health purposes. But if you wish to contact me directly, please send an ask to queer-deatheaters.tumblr.com, the Alectrix blog my friend and I run.


End file.
